


Beautiful

by infinexx



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst, Engagement, F/M, Genderbending, Just a mention of death, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-30
Updated: 2019-04-30
Packaged: 2020-02-10 12:05:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,411
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18660100
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/infinexx/pseuds/infinexx
Summary: Jisung is brutally confronted by the past that broke her apart. She tells Hyunjin what happened.Heart heavy and overflowing she finds herself alone, not knowing 'he' followed her.





	Beautiful

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! I'm here with my first Stray Kids fic.  
> I ship Woojin and Jisung a LOT, but unfortunately the only fics they have are like fours smuts (with one exception) and it's kind of annoying because like what? Okay no offense to the writers or anything. Why is there so much smut in the stray kids tag, like everytime there's a small person (like I'm talking about the maknae line) and a big person (hyung line, tho here I'm just talking about Woojin, Chan, and I've seen Changbin too), there's a lot of smut. I don't get it, but I guess whatever.  
> Anyway I write genderbender, so this has | Jisung, Hyunjin, and Felix| as females. The males mentioned are | Woojin and Chan|  
> Other than that this is dedicated to my sister and my friend.  
> Enjoy!

A beautiful party. A beautiful girl's engagement. Jisung's best friend Felix with Chan. It was all so beautiful and perfect that Jisung couldn't even fathom anything ruining her mood today. She didn't think she'd be looking across the room to see her past dizzying her thoughts.

He was handsome. Like he always was. Mesmerizing and hard to look away from. Jisung tried so hard to, yet she couldn't. Nothing worked.

She stood there in her navy blue dress, leaning against the wall, the window at her shoulder and the moon shining brightly into Felix's house. Her eyes were focused on him as he conversed with a shorter man. They looked close.

Of course. Jisung never knew who he knew. She didn't know a thing. Even then. Four years ago. They were always so different, and she was so naive.

"Jisung."

Jisung looked to her left to see her friend Hyunjin watching her in concern. Hyunjin was a beautiful girl. Tall yet graceful. She was a friend Jisung made after Felix came back from Australia two years ago. Ever since then, they'd been best friends.

"Yes?"

Hyunjin leaned against the wall, her beige dress wrinkling beneath her crossed arms. "I thought you'd be ecstatic. Felix is getting engaged to the man she loves."

"I am ecstatic."

"Doesn't look like it."

Jisung didn't say anything. She didn't know what to say. She felt so selfish. She was so happy for Felix but seeing 'him' here drowned out her happiness. Now she didn't know what to say. She stayed silent.

"I know I haven't been friends with you for long Jisung, to ask such personal questions, but I haven't seen you like this before. I just want to know, what's wrong? If you're okay with telling me. I don't mind if you won't."

Jisung tore her eyes from him and looked up at Hyunjin. The girl had sincere concern in her eyes. Like she'd listen. Like Jisung could spill all the despair out and Hyunjin would just listen. No one ever did. "Hyunjin. I trust you. More than you think I do. You mean a lot to me. Our friendship of two years is stronger that it could be with someone I've known for ten."

Hyunjin tried to smile reassuringly, but Jisung's words scared her. What could Jisung be hiding inside of her heart? "Thank you for trusting me."

"Can I tell you?"

She nodded, "I'll listen and I won't judge."

Jisung took a sigh of relief and looked back at him. Another man had joined their conversation. Maybe 'he' was one of Chan's close friends. "Hyunjin, there's something you don't know about my past. Felix doesn't either."

Hyunjin was alert now. She didn't know if she was prepared for Jisung's words.

Jisung gulped. "Look across the room. At that man. Those three men."

Hyunjin did as she was told. She recognized one of them as Chan's friends. "Yes."

"N-Now," Jisung didn't know why her voice was shaking, "look at the tallest one. The one with tan skin, in the black dress shirt." She had to look down. Describing him made her think too much about what happened in the past. Why couldn't she ever let his thoughts leave her?

Hyunjin spotted the man and nodded, "I see him."

"He," Jisung looked at her flats and then Hyunjin's flats, "he's my ex-husband."

Hyunjin's eyes displayed shock. She looked down at the girl who wouldn't raise her eyes. Ex-husband? Jisung was 25. When? How? Where?

"I know you must have a lot of questions and I promise," she looked up at the people enjoying the party. They all seemed busy and it was loud enough for her to tell Hyunjin everything. "I'll answer them."

Hyunjin gulped. "Please," her voice was so little all of a sudden.

Jisung took in a deep breath. This always made her so anxious. "I married him when I was 19. I know. Very young. So naive. While he was 24. He knew so much about the world and I thought knowing that I loved him was enough. It's not like I was inexperienced about the world, but I definitely was inexperienced about his world. I married him without the approval of his parents. They hated me so much. Then again shouldn't the two people who want to be together get to decide? I bet you're thinking that."

"Yes," she mumbled, knowing there was more to the story.

"It wasn't enough. He's not an average person like me. He's from an upper-class family that has so many rules and regulations. For him I was willing to learn it all, but fortunately or unfortunately, I'm unsure, his parents demanded no one learn that he was married. So to the 'upper-class people'" she quoted with her fingers, "he was a bachelor. It hurt me a lot but I couldn't change anything about it. I mean it was enough that they even let a girl they loathed live with them. Hyunjin seriously, everything I did got on their nerves. I would've been better off if they treated me as invisible, yet no, I was very much real and very much impeding on their lives and lifestyle. I was ruining their reputation without anyone knowing about me. I'm not sure if it was my class or just that they hated me so much." Every time she said the word 'hate' she felt a pang to her heart.

Hyunjin was staring at the side of Jisung's face not knowing what to say. The girl who she'd met two years ago couldn't have been the girl she was talking about. That Jisung was always smiling, and this Jisung that was being described sounded like she bore so much pain. Hyunjin only wished there wasn't more pain, yet based on how that man across the room was Jisung's ex-husband, Hyunjin didn't think the pain ended there.

Jisung stopped looking at their flats and started examining her bracelet. "Things were never easy. Not with him. Just look at him. He looks like danger."

Hyunjin looked at the man and then back at Jisung. "He does. Or at least to me, because of what you're saying," she managed to mumble.

Jisung nodded. "You're right. He wouldn't seem like danger to anyone else. I really don't know where I messed up. I guess I truly believed he loved me. I'm not sure if he ever did. I loved him. A lot. With all my heart. I was old enough to know what I felt for him. I guess to him I wasn't really a last love. To me—well I can't make this all about myself can I?"

"N-No, you can," Hyunjin assured.

"Okay," she whispered. So many emotions that were bottled up were now surfacing, and that's why Jisung couldn't find it in herself to look up at him. "Eventually he didn't like me anymore either. He decided I didn't suit him anymore and from then things got rough. When his parents hated me, at least he didn't. After that when I was 20 we constantly argued and at one point Hyunjin, my throat ran dry. I couldn't argue anymore. By then I stopped. It was a constant on and off of not knowing what he wanted from me. He certainly didn't want any affection. He had physical attraction but that ended up dying out too. I mean how hard is it to find another woman for a man like him?"

Hyunjin could hear the pain in Jisung's voice and all she wanted to do was hug her tight. She just wanted all the pain to stop right there. Yet no. There was more.

"Then a week before I turned 21, he asked me to leave. Told me he didn't want to put up with his parents nagging him, and that he didn't want to put up with me."

Hyunjin opened her mouth to suggest something, but Jisung cut her off.

"I know. You're probably thinking this was because of his parents. It wasn't. I would be able to tell if it was, and it wasn't. Trust me."

"O-Okay," Hyunjin breathed out.

"I didn't know what would happen when I left. Did he want to end everything or did he want me to be out of his life for a while? I hoped it was the latter, but who was I kidding? A week passed, I turned 21. Two months passed and he never called or contacted. It was then that I miscarried our child."

Hyunjin gasped and almost choked. Her eyes were wide and she felt like she was malfunctioning. "A child? Jisung, a child?"

Jisung raised her eyes to look at Hyunjin. Her eyes had so much pain in them. She swallowed the lump in her throat. Saying those words had never been so difficult. "I didn't know Hyunjin. I didn't know until then."

Hyunjin shook her head. She didn't want Jisung to feel like she was answering to her for a crime. "No Jisung, I don't blame you."

Jisung's lips quivered. "I would've done anything to hold on to the child. I would've done anything to hold onto him too. I couldn't anymore though Hyunjin. I couldn't, and he left no choice. I hadn't even climbed out of the pit of despair of losing the child when, without a word, he divorced me."

It was like Hyunjin's heart broke. She could hear the pieces shattering as Jisung looked away from her and at the man. Hyunjin wanted to cry. She wanted to hold Jisung and cry. Though when she saw the startled look on Jisung's face she turned to look at the man.

Jisung tried not to be alarmed. This was going to happen eventually. She just never thought she'd have to see it. Even though she was past her chances with him, it still hurt her to see him with another woman. She looked like an upper-class woman. Jisung wanted to say she was beautiful, but she couldn't. Not when she was with the man Jisung still loved. Seeing him again opened all the wounds Jisung had tried to stitch closed.

Hyunjin watched the man and the woman. The other men had left now. It was just him and the woman. She was holding his arm as she whispered something into his ear. He nodded and then she kissed him on his cheek and walked away. Hyunjin looked at Jisung with a frown. She knew her friend still loved him and it hurt Hyunjin to see it. "I know this isn't my time to say this, but it's better to be without him than to be with him and to live through all that despair."

Jisung looked at Hyunjin and slightly smiled. She was grateful her friend listened to everything. Or else who knew if Jisung would've been able to hold back the tears as she'd continue staring at him. "You're right Hyunjin. This is better. I don't want to drown in despair again. I'll just go home today not married to him and not caught up in all of this."

Hyunjin didn't know if she necessarily believed Jisung, but she didn't say anything.

"Thank you," Jisung whispered. "I'm so grateful you listened Hyunjin."

Hyunjin shook her head. "You don't need to thank me Jisung. I'm your friend. If not me, who would listen to you?"

That was true. Jisung had realized that years ago. After the divorce, she'd done what she thought was right and continued her education. Marrying him she didn't think about continuing her education but that was naive. In a sense university kept her busy for four years, and it stopped her from burdening her family members with her despair. Hyunjin listening made her so grateful, because she knew a friend was always there to listen without the burden. She smiled wider.

"Finally I found you two."

The two looked at Felix. A beautiful girl, and even more beautiful today in her baby blue dress.

"Felix."

"Girls," she grabbed their hands, "come with me. My two best friends can't just be standing around doing nothing. Come, we've got pictures to take."

With that Felix dragged Jisung away from her thoughts of 'him' and Hyunjin swayed from thinking of what she'd just heard.

They took pictures with Felix's family members. Pictures with Chan and conversed with many of Felix's relatives. This was a very big engagement party, the two were surprised everyone fit in this house.

It was when Jisung was standing on Felix's left and Hyunjin on Felix's right, ready for the picture to be taken, that 'he' noticed her. He looked at his friend Chan and then her, then at the cameraman. Before they were done taking their pictures, he looked back at Chan and listened to what he was saying to the men he was standing with.

\----

Jisung knew it was wrong to leave the party. She didn't know what to say to Felix, so instead she told Hyunjin she'd be back in a bit. All Jisung wanted was to be alone for a while. That's why she decided to come outside and take a walk. She walked for a while until she found herself at a small neighborhood park. It was empty because of it being 9 pm, and anyway it was a little chilly too.

She walked over to a swing and sat down, not caring about how it was a little cold. She slowly swung back and forth as the memories of the past flowed through her mind. Meeting him, falling in love, marrying him at 19. After that it was all pain. His parents' wrath and especially his mother. She had no sense of respect for her. Then there were memories of him and his hate towards her. Of course there was love somewhere there, but somehow there was a thin line of it in the memories. She never could adjust into his life. She never got the chance. After that memories of leaving, and then memories of finding out about the child flowed through her mind.

Jisung stopped swinging. Her flats digging into the dirt. She'd never known. Even though she'd been slightly sick then, she didn't know she was pregnant. There was no way; she couldn't have stopped it from happening. From the child leaving her.

She stood up and stepped forward. Her eyes went to the bench by the tree. She looked at it in serene silence. Her heart was overflowing. Her emotions were starting to drip from her eyes.

A sudden gust of wind made her hug herself, shivering and sobbing.

Why did she have to see him again? She wasn't trying to be ungrateful but she'd like to think she was fine without seeing him. Without his presence. Now she'd have to go home and try her hardest to get over him all over again. Why couldn't the world decide how much pain to give her already?

She stood there for a couple of minutes when she felt silk against her bare arms. She looked at the white dress coat over her arms. The scent. It never changed. Jisung didn't turn around. She didn't know what she'd say or do. She wished she could just disappear.

"You know it's a pity to cry over your past. It means you're not over it."

She looked at him, anger in her eyes. "That makes you happy doesn't it? Makes you think you're winning. You've won already so just go away." She had to look away and squeeze her eyes shut, more tears falling. She couldn't bear to look at him. Looking at his face made her realize just how much she loved him.

"I know that."

She opened her eyes to look at him again. She stepped back. "Then go."

He stepped forward, wrapping his left arm around her, he pulled her against his chest . "No."

Her hand went to grip the front of his shirt, tears soaking the black of it. "I know what you're trying to do Woojin. I know why you're here. You're not satisfied that I tried so hard to forget you. Now you're here, wanting me to drown in you again. Stop. It's working and it hurts," she cried out.

He smirked. "Seeing you in torment is beautiful."

Jisung grit her teeth. She was frozen in place. Wanting to push him away but not wanting to leave his arms, even if it was because he wanted a good laugh. "Woojin, you're destroying me once again."

His right hand went to grab her arm. "I know."

"Woojin, why?"

His smirk faded. He now had a serious look on his features. "You think I'd just let you leave like that? It's not like I forced myself before your eyes. It just happened. Besides, I couldn't leave without leaving an impression."

She wiped at her tears that wouldn't stop falling. "Looking at you was enough," she sobbed. "You have someone. Go back to her."

"Yes," he whispered, "her. She's more like it."

Jisung's heart broke. In the past he always told her she wasn't the type of woman he was looking for and that it'd take a while for him to find her. She knew it was the class difference, but also because she didn't suit his heart. "You found her."

"I did."

Jisung didn't want the woman to feel threatened, though on the other hand she couldn't move away from Woojin. It's not like he was going to leave that woman for Jisung anyway, so there wasn't any harm. Maybe. This was harming Jisung. "Then go away. Please. You've done it. You've torn me up Woojin. My past is here to haunt me again. Now all I can think about was then. You, Woojin. I can only think of you!" She was crying out loud. She didn't care who heard her now. There was so much sorrow. So much pain that she had never let out. The things she'd wanted to say to him if she ever saw him again. The way she wanted to cry and accuse him for ruining her life. "I've lost everything Woojin. I was happy. I thought you'd be happy after ruining me. No. You're here. Why?"

"I am happy. Like I said, I didn't force myself to be here."

"You did follow me."

He looked down at the ground. "I did."

There was silence. All she wanted was for things to be like when he claimed to love her. She wished being in his arms didn't have the meaning it did. If someone saw them from afar they'd see a man comforting the woman he loved, but it wasn't like that. No matter how much Jisung wanted it to be that way, it wasn't. "It'll never be the way it was Woojin. You don't even care about then, but Woojin, I lost everything. Those years of my life destroyed the rest of it. I can't trust a single man and when I can, it's only you, the man that plays me like a puppet on strings. You can do whatever you want with me and I'd still be in love with you. I have enough of a heart to push your torture away, but when my heart beats for you, ripping it out of my chest will be the only way to stop loving you."

"You still love me."

Jisung knew it was wrong to confess that she still loved him. It'd make his ego grow even bigger, yet she didn't care anymore. She didn't need to see him again. So maybe saying all these things to him now would make it easier to forget. Maybe. It was highly unlikely though. "Yes I love you Woojin. I've never stopped loving you. Everything I've been through with you held no burden because of how much I loved you. When I was under the hatred of your parents Woojin, I did my best to fit in just for you. Even when we argued I tried to stop things from getting worse. Woojin you told me to leave and all I wished was for you to change your mind. Every single day with you I loved you. Woojin I thought we had everything. I thought our love was beautiful, but it wasn't. Do you even know how hard I tried for it? Do you know we had a child that I miscarried in two months?" Her throat was running dry but she couldn't stop sobbing. She couldn't hold herself together anymore, and if it wasn't for Woojin she would've fallen to her knees.

There was no response from Woojin and Jisung thought that now Woojin wasn't even human enough to care about his own blood that could've been. Though after a minute or two, Woojin recovered from the shock and wrapped his other arm around her. "No. I didn't know," he whispered, taking a deep breath.

Jisung moved her arms and wrapped them around him, embracing him tight. Right now they put their differences aside to mourn the loss of their child. Any parent would do this, even if they hated the other. She only wished this moment would last forever. She already lost a child. She already lost Woojin. How could she think it would be any different?

Minutes later he spoke. "You were alone."

"I was."

"You lost—" he stopped, not knowing what to say.

"I did. Then you divorced me." She didn't mean to put him in regret but in a sense he deserved this reality check. "Woojin just leave. Now you know the truth. Now I've said it all. I can't say more," she moved back as he let go of her. She wiped her eyes and looked down at his hand. The hand that'd held hers so many times. Now it was all in the past. Those beautiful memories were washed over with painful ones. Like a beautiful rose with thorns. "I'm foolish and I constantly think of how it would've been if our differences didn't tear us apart. Though it's no use. Our differences stand between us and that'll never change. In order to change that we'd have to forget who we were. I just want to hear it from you. You truly didn't want to be with me, right? Aside from what anyone else said?" Jisung did tell Hyunjin that she believed Woojin chose to not be with her anymore because of himself and not because he was influenced, and she knew that was the truth, but she didn't know why she always had hope. Now it didn't matter. She could ask him because she had nothing else to lose.

"Right."

She looked up at him. The face of the man she loved. "I thought so," she whispered, her hand going up to the side of his face. "Don't worry, it gets better." She meant the pain of knowing your child couldn't even take a breath before they left this world. Even if it was only around two months grown, it was still a child.

He opened his mouth to say something, but nothing came out. He could only look down at her. The beautiful woman in pain. Her sorrow burst from her eyes into his heart. His child. Their child. "That means there's nothing left between us."

"Yes. That must be good for you. So we don't have to have a connection between us. Don't worry, there's nothing."

Why was she telling him to worry? Shouldn't she be worried? She's the one who still loves him. "Good."

Jisung let her hand fall from his face and pulled it away before it landed in his. It was a habit she'd had to bite back on. "You should—"

"Jisung!"

The two looked towards the entrance of the park. Hyunjin stood there looking at her best friend. She looked startled. Of course she would be. The man Jisung had been talking about was standing in front of her, and Jisung's face was red from crying so much.

"Hyunjin."

The girl walked across the park and grabbed Jisung's arm. "Are you okay? What happened?"

"Hyunjin, I can't go back to the party like this. I'm a terrible friend."

Hyunjin shook her head. "No. You're not. I don't blame you. We can go back, here," she grabbed a makeup wipe from her purse, "use this."

Jisung was glad she hadn't worn any eyeliner or mascara or else she'd look horrendous right now. She took the makeup wipe and wiped her face. "I feel so bad. I said I'd be back soon."

"It's okay," Hyunjin looked at Woojin once, he was watching them with curious eyes, and then she looked back at Jisung. "Let's go."

Jisung looked at Woojin. Even though she'd been telling him to leave, when the time came she didn't want to leave. She didn't know what to say as Hyunjin began walking, without sparing a glance at Woojin.

Then Hyunjin stopped. "Jisung," she spoke, "I trust you and I know you know what the right thing to do is. So it's up to you if you want me to wait over there." She let go of her best friend's arm and walked towards the sidewalk.

Jisung was still looking at Woojin. Trying to take in every last bit of this moment before she left. Her eyes went to his black shirt. It was wet. She shrugged the coat off and handed it to him. "Thank you and sorry."

He grabbed the coat and slid it on, buttoning it up, to cover his shirt. Luckily it was black. "Yeah," he breathed out. He was staring at her now, just watching her. 

She didn't tear her eyes from his. She so badly wished it didn't end like the way it did. She couldn't do anything about it now though. She'd go home alone, with thoughts of him and he'd go home with that woman. With that she turned around. "Goodbye."

Woojin didn't utter a word until she was walking toward her friend with a heavy heart. "I'm sorry for your loss."

She stopped. Her fingers played with the hem of her dress. He'd never been sorry before. Never to her, and for his actions. Though the loss wasn't his action. It just happened. It couldn't be helped. "And I for yours. Goodbye Woojin. Stay happy."

Even though she was torn apart, she still told him to be happy. Her heart always betrayed her when it came to him.

It just couldn't be helped.

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry for the long dialogues.  
> Let me know what you thought tho!  
> Thanks for reading.  
> Have a good day!


End file.
